Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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