and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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