Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
