I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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