i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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