that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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