By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
