dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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