I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
