I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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