Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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