i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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