Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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