So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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