I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
