So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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