you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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