that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
