so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
