Im at strip club and am horny
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
