I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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