Sry I called you an 8
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
