so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
