She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
