nut hugger
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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