so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
