Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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