We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
