Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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