Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can I color on your dick again?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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