I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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