it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
