i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
