i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize