WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
