P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off