Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal

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(859): View more from Kentucky

thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.

(512): View more from Texas

That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(225): View more from Louisiana

Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay

Fav 4 2746 802
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(908): View more from New Jersey

He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?

Fav 9 784 683
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(212): View more from New York

I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.

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