Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.

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  (724): How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS. http://tfl.nu/1n4d
  Replies (12) Good night (1189) Bad night (3603)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...

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  (570): I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons... http://tfl.nu/4olw
  Replies (10) Good night (3767) Bad night (1230)
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  (415): View more from California

  I have another pimple on my ass cheek.

  (420): View more from

  I'll be there in 10 minutes.

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  (415): I have another pimple on my ass cheek. (420): I'll be there in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/3vda
  Replies (25) Good night (1150) Bad night (8036)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She tied me up with her honor cords...

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  (608): She tied me up with her honor cords... http://tfl.nu/y0v2
  Replies (29) Good night (11202) Bad night (1084)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.

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  (519): Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical. http://tfl.nu/sqyk
  Replies (12) Good night (6689) Bad night (1968)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.

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  (508): i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail. http://tfl.nu/yrer
  Replies (5) Good night (1967) Bad night (703)
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  (805): View more from California

  How much is that going to cost?

  (1-805): View more from California

  A lot of beer.

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  (805): How much is that going to cost? (1-805): A lot of beer. http://tfl.nu/syqn
  Replies (3) Good night (1726) Bad night (607)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.

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  (940): She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job. http://tfl.nu/x6ef
  Replies (3) Good night (1653) Bad night (532)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already

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  (651): Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already http://tfl.nu/xrp9
  Replies (13) Good night (1218) Bad night (546)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again

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  (704): Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again http://tfl.nu/mnjw
  Replies (5) Good night (1317) Bad night (555)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.

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  (405): The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore. http://tfl.nu/c65h
  Replies (4) Good night (1097) Bad night (542)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?

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  (703): And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother? http://tfl.nu/q108
  Replies (3) Good night (623) Bad night (1045)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.

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  (647): So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers. http://tfl.nu/zbe6
  Replies (2) Good night (983) Bad night (437)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.

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  (712): My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men. http://tfl.nu/xu6z
  Replies (3) Good night (804) Bad night (434)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You left wolverine marks

  (1-910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm somewhere between sorry and proud

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  (910): You left wolverine marks (1-910): I'm somewhere between sorry and proud http://tfl.nu/d8w1
  Replies (2) Good night (1589) Bad night (475)

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