Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have