I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida