There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
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I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck