Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize