sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
