if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize