some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
