if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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