I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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