Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am midnight drunk by noon
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
