no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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