She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
