Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Ontario

She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

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(303): View more from Colorado

Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store

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(928): View more from Arizona

This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.

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(310): View more from California

how was it?

(1-310): View more from California

he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.

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(941): View more from Florida

Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.

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(607): View more from New York

It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.

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