your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.