I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
