I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
