so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
