just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
