Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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