I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
