It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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