We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
