just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
