Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
