also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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