Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize