Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
