You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
