I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
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wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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