i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
