onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
