wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
