god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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