he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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